Here’s a quick rundown on five tactics for gaining more strength and power in your life and work, beginning today:
1) Do the inner work you have to do – I’ve had more than a few folks tell me lately that they really don’t want to do the deep re-evaluation and exploration work necessary to create more success and fulfillment. In essence, they want it done for them or given to them. My view – that just ain’t gonna happen (and why would you want it to)?
Tip: Do the inner and outer work necessary to 1) figure out what you really want, 2) figure out the best way to get it, 3) figure out what you need to shift and change to get it, and 4) determine what you’ll give up to have it. Then go get it.
2) Learn from others – In many of my seminars and talks to women, there are always one or two individuals who come up to me afterwards and share with me that they didn’t want to hear the views or experiences of others – they just wanted to focus on their own issues/problems. But being teachable and understanding that we’re all alike in vital ways and can learn from others, is an essential ingredient to power and success. Let connection feed you, not drain you.
Tip: Let go of your inner narcissist. Stop focusing exclusively on yourself. Start connecting – listening to and learning from others. There’s a wealth of wisdom, knowledge and perspective out there for you to benefit from.
3) Stop thinking “making great money means soul-sucking misery” – If I hear one more time, “Yeah, Kathy, this career fulfillment stuff is nice, but I’ve got to pay the mortgage,” I’m going to spit. Of course we have to pay our bills and stay afloat, but when are folks going to realize that paying your bills DOESNT inherently, inevitably mean sacrificing your soul to do it, and being miserable. We think it does because we’ve mistakenly told ourselves that lie our entire lives – that making great money = soul-crushing work. Making the money you truly need doesn’t mean you have to get sick, depressed, lose yourself, hate yourself, and sacrifice everything that means anything to you, just so you can pay your mortgage.
Tip: Figure out the new path you desperately long to take, and begin step-by-step to create it, with money-making and meeting your needs as a key goal. No more excuses.
4) When you don’t know what you want to do, first focus on “essence,” then on “form” – When you’re really stuck as to what you want to do next, focus on figuring out the “essence” of what you want first in your life and work, and worry about the right “form” of it only as a second step. An example: let’s say you adore singing and always have, and you hate your corporate job. You might be thinking, “All I want to do is quit this job, and start singing for a living. I think I’d love that!” To that, I’d say, “Wait a minute!” Making a living as a singer (for instance) can be excruciatingly difficult. Most performers say, “Do this only if you can’t NOT do it!” So before you jump into what new job/career that you’ve been fantasizing about, figure out if it’s something you truly can’t live without doing and if you’re suited to a life of it.
What are the inner qualities, traits (the essence) of the thing you long for – what do you think this thing will give your life that you don’t have now? Ask yourself, “What does singing give to me?” Your answers might be that singing brings you: entertainment, the joy of creating something beautiful, the reward of making music with others, creativity, harmony, fun, stimulation, physical exertion that’s also relaxing, surrounding yourself with beautiful sounds, etc.
After you know specifically what singing (or the thing you’re fantasizing about) gives you, then see if you can bring forward any parts of that “essence” into your current life/career. If not, then start evaluating and researching what that might mean for you in terms of changing your job/career to embrace more of the essence of what you long for.
Tip: Explore what lights you up, what gives you passion, and why. They determine if there are any ways you can bring those endeavors forward in your life today, without a wholesale reinvention, if possible.
5) Get Tough – Power Up Your Boundaries – To get what you want in life, you have to be strong and confident. You have to protect yourself from all those who would suck your energy dry, use you, take advantage of you, make you feel guilty for not doing more than you should for others, and diminish you. You can’t have a powerful life if you’re giving over all your power to others (including your children, spouse, boss, employer, friends, relatives, etc.).
Tip: Think about where you feel exhausted, angry, depressed, resentful, and start there. To whom do you need to say “no” and why aren’t you saying it? It’s time to say more “No!” to others, and more “Yes!” to yourself, and time to speak up. Just do it.
Question for the day: In what ways do you struggle in terms of feeling powerful and confident? And what have you done to successfully build your confidence in areas where it’s shaky?
Thanks for sharing, and many happy breakthroughs,