Part of the work I do in helping women feel happier and more successful in their work, is excavation – digging deep and peeling the layers to uncover the richness and the amazing natural gifts inside. And one critical dimension of that process is remembering who you were when you were just starting out in life.
When I look back at what I loved to do when I was 16, and the natural talents that began to flow forth, I see that everything I enjoy in my work now is exactly what I felt joyous and exuberant about then. I loved to write (I became an English major and studied journalism, and was a reporter for my school paper), I was a singer and a performer, I loved psychology and figuring out what made people tick, and I enjoyed helping my friends (boys and girls) sort out solutions to problems they were grappling with. I remember my beloved dad too commenting about my nature. Once day, when I was trying to sort out why someone was behaving really badly to me, he said “Honey, you really love to get to the bottom of things – figure out what drives people to do what they do. You love to know why.” He was so right.
I didn’t realize then – or for 20+ years more in my unhappy corporate life – that we’re all happiest and most alive when –
“…we’re demonstrating in physical reality what we know to be true about ourselves, when we we are giving form to our Life’s Intentions in a way that contributes to others.” – Maria Nemeth, The Energy of Money
I love this quote, and I feel that no truer words have ever been spoken.
In your adult life, have you ever demonstrated behavior or spoke in ways that you later realized were NOT you at all? That were jarring, hurtful, disrespectful, catty, destructive? If you’re in touch with your emotions, you’ll feel a jarring pain when you’re being your lowest self – you feel it in your soul. Or have you ever struggled with a problem (like chronically being unable to repay your debts or not telling the truth on something critical) and you know that what you’re demonstrating in life is not true, good, or worthy of your self-respect? I have, and it’s a horrible feeling. We are terribly unhappy when what we’re creating in life is out of alignment with everything we know to be true about ourselves.
Secondly, I’ve seen through 10 years of career coaching that the most alive and joyful people on the planet are those who feel that their natural gifts are useful to others – to a great company, an important cause, to people in need, or to their community and world. I believe that’s why were on the planet today – to find a way to use who we are in benefit to those around us.
But life is challenging and exhausting today, and most of us are so beleaguered with what’s on our plates that we’ve forgotten who were when we were young, and what we’re capable of. We’ve lost sight of how amazing we are, and the gifts we are supposed to be sharing.
How can we reclaim those talents and capabilities and find new ways to utilize them?
Here’s a challenge for you. Every day for the next 21 days, when you get up in the morning and are washing your face or taking a shower, take 3 minutes to think about what you loved about yourself at 16 (or pick an age where you were shining). Think about:
– What people noticed about you, and raved about
– What made you feel joyful, free, and alive
– What made you feel strong and confident
– What you did that made others say, “Wow! I could never to that so beautifully or well!”
– What your friends and family adored about you
– And finally, what you thought was pretty darn amazing about yourself
Just bring these things to mind each day, and get back in touch with yourself – who you were, and who you are, deep down.
Do this for 21 consecutive days and you will experience a shift. You’ll remember more clearly what you’re capable of, and you’ll start believing that it’s time to shift your life and work so that you’re using more of your natural gifts and talents, and finding more joy and satisfaction in your life and relationships.
It’s time to dig deep, find your right work, and illuminate the world with it. It’s YOUR time to shine.
For some inspiration to build a happier, more satisfying career, visit the Amazing Career Project, and watch my new video Time to Shine.
Kathy – This article hit me right in the gut. When I’ve found myself in situations just like you describe, where I am losing sight of who I am supposed to be, I remember my senior year of high school. In that year, I took so many leaps of faith, explored all sorts of opportunities, and had the attitude that I would never let another person hold me back or keep me from exploring the world. ‘Roll with me or get rolled over’ was my motto, and I had no problem telling it to friends, boyfriends – or anybody, for that matter.
As you can imagine, life after school hit and a string of impressive failures effectively had my tail tucked between my legs. It is hard to pick yourself back up when you hit setbacks that seem insurmountable. So I wrote in my journal about how I needed to return to the attitude I had before, when I didn’t care about anyone’s objections and just allowed myself the freedom to either succeed or fail so long as I TRY. And you know, remembering my motto from those days has had a curious effect – it seems to operate from within my subconscious now. Without having to actively think on it, I find myself taking leaps I’d have held back from before – and not only am I more satisfied with my decisions, but I’m also more satisfied with the results and find myself getting truly excited about my new ideas and endeavors.
This all went to say that I completely agree with everything you’ve written here, and would encourage others to heed the advice. Thank you for such a beautiful article!
Hi Demiera – What powerful advice and insights! Thanks so much for sharing your heartfelt experiences. I think that so many people will be nodding their heads in agreement with you about the fact that, when we’re younger, we feel strong, confident, invincible even – “Roll with me or follow your own path, but don’t block mine!” But as we age, life happens, and we learn some misguided lessons – that we’re foolish to dream big, that we’re not good enough, that we’ll lose people in our lives as we become the person we long to. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve reconnected to the strength and power you had in your youth. It’s your time to shine! Thank you for sharing.