A decade ago (back in 2016), I conducted a survey of my community, asking a number of important life and career questions. More than 1,200 people responded, and their answers were fascinating.
What strikes me most today is how relevant those answers still feel. Despite dramatic shifts in technology, work, and the pace of modern life, many of the things we humans long for most haven’t changed.
The key question I probed was this:
“If you could say in one word what you want more of in life and work, what would that be?”
The ten most common responses are below. Rereading them today, I’m reminded that while our world continues to evolve at a breathtaking pace, our deepest needs for meaning, fulfillment, connection, confidence, stability, and purpose remain timeless.
Here’s my take on why these precious ingredients can still feel so elusive today. (The quotes below are from actual respondents describing what they perceived to be the biggest challenge standing in the way of what they were longing for.)
#1: Happiness
Biggest challenge: “Not knowing what I want to do.”
The #1 mentioned missing element — happiness — has become hard to achieve, and even harder to sustain. In my coaching work with high-achieving professional women, I’ve seen that happiness often escapes them not because they’re doing anything “wrong,” but because they haven’t had enough time, space, or support to deeply understand what truly brings them alive.
Many have been taught to search outside themselves for happiness — in a job, a partner, family relationships, a title, a paycheck, a beautiful home, or other markers of success. And of course, these things can bring great joy, comfort, pride, connection, and meaning. The challenge arises when we expect any one person, relationship, role, or achievement to be the full source of our happiness. When our happiness depends entirely on circumstances outside our direct control, it can become a perpetual moving target that never stands still long enough for us to fully grasp.
The key point is this: if everything you’re searching for remains outside of you, you may find yourself continually scrambling and chasing. Lasting happiness grows more deeply when we begin to know ourselves honestly, honor what matters most, and build lives that reflect who we really are — not just what the world has told us we should want or become.
#2: Money
Biggest challenge: “Not having enough money or time to accomplish the things I want to do.”
I’ve worked with millionaires, as well as people who earn mid-six figures and far, far less. What I’ve seen again and again is that our relationship with money is rarely just about the number itself. For some, there truly isn’t enough to meet their needs and build the life they want. For others, even substantial resources don’t bring peace if fear, scarcity, or uncertainty are still running the show.
The deeper question is: what level of financial support and security do you need to create the life experiences that will truly fulfill you? And if you want or need more money — or your financial situation has changed significantly — do you understand the key principles, behaviors, mindsets, and support needed to respond effectively, generate new opportunities, and build stability in ways that are sustainable and aligned with who you are?
#3: Freedom
Biggest challenge: “Having the freedom to find my ‘true purpose’ or being lit up by the day-to-day at work.”
Ah, freedom. Virtually all of us want it, yet so many people I meet feel deeply challenged by what it actually requires. They long to feel free, but often feel bound by fear, responsibility, financial pressure, family expectations, self-doubt, or the messages they’ve absorbed about what is “safe” or “acceptable.”
What is necessary to experience freedom? I’ve seen that it requires making yourself right, not wrong — honoring your authentic values and beliefs, and building strong boundaries to protect yourself from what others tell you is right for you or try to impose on you. It also takes courage to forge your own path in life and work, despite the challenges and the naysayers.
Freedom requires bravery, self-trust, and the willingness to become your own highest authority on your life and work. And that’s no easy thing today. Sadly, most of us aren’t taught or trained — particularly women — how to stand up powerfully for what we want and believe in, and pursue it with clarity, commitment, and courage.
#4: Peace
Biggest challenge: “Lack of clarity about who I am and my purpose.”
We long for peace — peace from noise, chatter, pressure, and endless responsibilities. We also long for peace from the painful narratives inside our own heads — the conflicts, self-judgment, and strain we place on ourselves to be better, stronger, smarter, more successful, more attractive, more capable, and more “together.”
Peace, I’ve found, doesn’t come from being better at anything, or even from figuring everything out. Peace is a practice we need to cultivate and commit to. In our chaotic, fast-moving world, peace rarely just falls in our laps. We have to carve out space within ourselves and in our lives to experience it, then do the work to expand peace as a feeling and practice we return to daily, regardless of what’s happening around us.
You don’t have to know your purpose to be at peace. You need to commit to building inner and outer practices that support peace — including slowing down, honoring your needs, creating stronger boundaries, and giving yourself permission to stop fighting yourself.
#5: Joy
Biggest challenge: “How to find the right role or position for me now that will bring joy in my work.”
In working with thousands of men and women to build successful, rewarding careers they love, I’ve witnessed how the process of stepping up to our highest potential and honoring our best visions for contributing to the world in a meaningful way can indeed pave the way for more joy.
I believe — and have lived — that it’s very hard to feel sustained joy in our lives if the work we do pains us, drains us, or asks us to violate who we really are. We’re not able to fully separate who we are from what we do, and why would we want to? Our work takes up too much of our time, energy, identity, and creative force to pretend it doesn’t deeply affect us.
So when you’re stuck in work you dislike or resent, with people you don’t respect or feel respected by, supporting outcomes that feel wrong to you, it becomes very difficult to feel true joy and vitality in your life overall, even if your personal or family life brings you happiness.
#6: Balance
Biggest challenge: “Balancing my need/desire for flexibility while making enough money and having the benefits I want.”
I’ve researched work-life balance extensively, and I believe it’s possible only when you understand clearly what your top life priorities are, and you’re willing to honor and protect them consistently.
That requires knowing your non-negotiables — what you won’t compromise on, what you won’t keep saying “yes” to, and what you can no longer abandon in yourself. Then it takes living from that knowledge and making decisions that align with your most important priorities.
If you’re not clear about what matters most, or if you continually override those priorities to meet others’ needs and expectations, balance becomes almost impossible to create or sustain.
#7: Fulfillment
Biggest challenge: “Utilizing my potential in the best possible way, for myself and for others.”
Fulfillment can be defined as “satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.” And it’s difficult to experience deep fulfillment if we’re continually turning away from what we know we’re capable of becoming or contributing. Have you ever settled for something much less than you know you want or deserve? It hurts — a lot.
To live more fully into our potential, we often have to leave our comfort zones behind. We may also need to release old definitions of who we think we are or need to be, and the limiting stories we’ve told ourselves about what we’re capable of, so we can grow into the person we long to become.
And sometimes, we need to shift our relationship with people, environments, or expectations that don’t support our growth. Fulfillment becomes possible when we honor our own potential, stop forsaking ourselves by putting everyone else first, and take brave actions that say “yes” to the future vision of who we are becoming — even before that vision has fully “hatched.”
#8: Confidence
Biggest challenge: “Feeling like I have something to offer now, rather than feeling constantly as if I’m not ready and need more training.”
I’ve seen in working with thousands of people over the years that when we’re in situations that are hurtful, demeaning, challenging, or worse, our confidence can take a serious hit. We get rocked. We forget who we are and what we’re capable of, and we begin to see ourselves only through the lens of the boss who’s criticizing us, the colleague who’s undermining us, or the environment that keeps telling us we’re not enough.
It’s a tough world out there, but there are many ways we can stay true to our gifts and capabilities and rebuild our confidence. For that, we need support from people who see us clearly and believe in us, especially when we’re struggling to believe in ourselves. We need trusted mentors, friends, colleagues, coaches, and allies who remind us of our strengths, our contributions, and our capacity to grow.
And we need to learn to believe in ourselves more consistently — not because we never have more to learn, but because we already have something valuable to offer now, even as we continue to evolve.
#9: Stability
Biggest challenge: “Figuring out what to do next, to keep me afloat and be a bridge to my later years and retirement.”
I think some of the worst advice many of us have ever received falls under the category of “Just do the stable, secure thing!” As one who followed the “stable” path for 18 years, pursuing a corporate track that was ultimately not well aligned with my core talents, values, longings for contribution, and mindset, I know that what looks stable on the outside can sometimes feel numbing and disheartening on the inside.
After experiencing a brutal layoff in the days following 9/11, and feeling as if my whole life and career had come crashing down around me, I came to understand something important: very little outside of us is ever completely secure or stable. Jobs change. Industries shift. Organizations restructure. Markets evolve. What we can build, strengthen, and return to is our own inner stability — our spirit, intelligence, resilience, capabilities, gifts, and what we have to offer others and the world.
And how we choose to respond to what comes our way — with courage, discernment, adaptability, and self-trust — can become one of our greatest sources of stability in ever-changing times.
#10: Passion
Biggest challenge: “Overcoming feelings of ineptitude and negativity because of career setbacks.”
Finally, passion. It seems that so many people talk about wanting to be passionate about their work. Yet passion isn’t always a lightning bolt or a single calling. Sometimes it grows slowly through meaningful experiences, courageous choices, and a willingness to follow what genuinely interests and energizes you.
What people often mean when they say, “I want to feel passionate about my work,” is this: They want to feel alive, not exhausted, beleaguered, and demoralized. They want to feel that there’s a reason they’re on this planet, a reason for the talents and abilities they’ve been given and have worked hard to develop. They want to believe they’re here for a purpose, and that their work can contribute to something meaningful.
Passion can be tapped and uncorked in many different ways, including through interests and pursuits outside of work, through family and friends, volunteer activities and more.
But passion is experienced more frequently and deeply when you allow yourself to believe that you deserve to pursue what matters to you, trust yourself enough to move toward it, and let your work and life hold deeper meaning, purpose, and aliveness.
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What is the one thing you want more of in your life and work now? And what is one brave, concrete step you can take this month to move closer to it?
Helpful Resources
If you’d like additional support in gaining greater clarity, confidence, fulfillment, and direction in your life and work, these resources may be helpful:
• Career Path Self-Assessment — A free assessment designed to help you identify what may be missing in your life and career and what changes could help you create greater success, fulfillment, and reward.
• The Most Powerful You (Book) — My book exploring how to recognize and overcome the 7 hidden power and confidence gaps that can keep us from achieving our highest visions and goals.
• The Most Powerful You Video Course — A practical, guided program to help you build greater confidence, self-trust, visibility, influence, and impact.
• Career & Leadership Breakthrough Coaching — Private coaching support for professionals seeking greater clarity, confidence, fulfillment, leadership effectiveness, and career success.
And feel free to contact me here with any questions about the best next steps for creating what you desire most.
