Amazing Career Success, Breakthroughs, Empowerment, Feeling Your Best, Following Your Dreams, Inspiration for Change What Is Missing In Your Life Today That You Deeply Desire? Written by: Kathy Caprino


In my life, I spend most of my waking hours either thinking about how we can live happier lives and do more fulfilling work, or talking to people about it. Sometimes, we can get so caught up with the challenges and struggles in front of us, and how to navigate through them effectively, that we fail to ask ourselves the most important questions that would have the power to unlock so much more fulfillment, joy and peace in our lives, if we only stopped to answer them.

Today, let’s take a break from the our challenges and all our striving, working and committing, and answer this simple (but not easy) question:

In ONE word, what do you long for most in your life today?

Think about the one thing that you believe would generate the biggest breakthrough in your life today. And be specific – don’t leave it at the world “fun,” for example, but share in one word the deeper expression of what fun represents to you. What would “fun” make possible in your life, work, and family?

I’m asking this question for two key reasons. One is that it’s vitally important to me to offer information and insights (and programs) that get at the heart of what we need and want as human beings. But more importantly, I’m interested in learning what is missing from the lives of thousands of people around the world that they can’t seem to find, connect with, or generate more of. And I’d love to understand why we seem to be missing these important elements in our lives.

I’m not at all concerned in how to help people make a quick buck, or follow some get-rich-quick scheme and rise overnight to the top of the heap in their fields. I am interested, however, in the long haul – how we create and build lives that matter, and livelihoods that make a positive difference and impact in the world. And I’m keenly focused on how we can do that with as much joy, ease, love, and soulfulness as possible. I’m looking for clues as to what keeps us centered, secure, and serene in the process, so we can thrive through change and stay true to exactly who we wish to be.

For me, the one word that describes what I want more of today is “soulfulness.” Why that? Because I find, unfortunately, that it’s been missing lately in a lot of what I’m confronting and experiencing every day. It’s missing in some of my relationships, some of my colleagues, some of my friends and clients, and some of the ways I behave, think and communicate. It’s been missing in my projects and in my goals. And when I operate without soulfulness, it usually goes very badly for me. I get sick, sad and exhausted because I push hard and strive towards things that in some cases I don’t even really want (because I’ve been blindly following some role model in the world whom I later realize I don’t even want to emulate). And when I do identify important, authentic goals for myself, if soulfulness isn’t involved in how I pursue them, I find I’m left holding the bag, without the real power, juice and excitement necessary to sustain me to reach my goals. So it’s soulfulness for me that I want more of this year.

What do you long for most in your life today?

I hope you’ll share it below. I’ve seen that when we write down what we long for, and openly and courageously acknowledge and admit it, we are more able to purposefully and intentionally push open the door that’s been blocked, and allow this desired experience to come rushing to us, finally.

Thank you for sharing your one-word longing. I can’t wait to hear, and I hope 2016 will be the year you experience it.



70 thoughts on “What Is Missing In Your Life Today That You Deeply Desire?”

  1. Control.

    It’s the one thing I feel that is missing. I’m on everybody else’s schedule, at everybody else’s disposal, and subject to their desires. I’m not empowered to say “no,” my opinion means little, and I feel more like a utility than a person.

  2. You mentioned my “one word” in the first sentence of your post, “fulfillment.”

    For most of my life I feel I have just settled for what came my way, instead of clearly steering my life the way I want it to go. I would like to have a career where I feel I am doing something valuable. I also think that if I am doing something I am passionate about it will encompass most of my waking hours (as you mention for yourself in your post), I don’t want to just have a job to make money to get by.

    I’m in a transitional period of my life right now and am working on improving my skills and trying to zero-in on what I am really passionate about.

    Thanks for your insightful posts. They get me thinking and nudge me to take time to get to the bottom of what is important in life.

  3. Thanks so much for your honest answer to this, Scott. I can hear how deeply challenging and upsetting it is to feel you have very little control – over your time, your projects, and the respect you get (or don’t get). I’ve felt that in my corporate life, and it’s so demoralizing. It’s very hard to feel like a “utility.” Is there anything you believe you can do about that – anyone you can speak up to today to erect a more powerful boundary? Can you say, “Hey listen here – I need to be and do more than run around being at everyone else’s beck and call!” I hope you can say this. You deserve to be the master of your own ship. Thank you for sharing.

  4. So great to hear this Brenda, that you’re ready to finally “get to the bottom of” what’s really important to you in life now. I love to hear too that you’re tired of just having a job that pays the bills, and are ready to do work that you love and that will make a difference that matters to you. Kudos! Knowing that is the most important first step to achieving it. If you want a bit more clarity on the best new directions to pursue, I think you’ll enjoy taking my free Career Path Self-Assessment survey. If you answer these questions honestly and thoughtfully, you’ll begin to see some strong clues and themes about what you can begin exploring to get you on a new path that will be both fulfilling and meaningful. Thank you for sharing! and all best.

  5. Hmmm – that’s a powerful one, Tim! So, is there a way you can create that for yourself this year?

  6. Dear Kathy ,

    Passion is the only word i have put my all soul, mind, heart and energy for it !

    Passion help you to live a lively life then you can share your best energy to people around you . Change your life then change the world !

    Passion unlock your hidden talents, boost you up , enrich your inner soul and lift you up whenever you are down, feeling depress and hopeless!

    Moreover passion force you to be yourself , live your life your way beautifully and be strong for whatever the decision you have to make .

    In summary , passion is my fresh air, hope, happiness, love , life , prosperity, friendship, successfull and so much more !

    Thanks for your time ! Enjoy beautiful Sunday!

    Vivian Pinky

  7. True love

    It’s out there. I’ve seen it, met it.
    Why do I let it elude me? I’m old enough to know not to abide by others’ expectations, and yet…

  8. “Passion is my fresh air.” Can’t argue with that, Vivian! Thank you for sharing.

  9. Completeness. I feel pieces half there or missing. My relationship with my sons is good- but not as before with my husband. I feel I am in a job going nowhere and feel the need for new challenges.

  10. Hey Beverly – so glad you put your stake in the ground for “true love.” Why not! You deserve it and now you’ve opened the door for it. Here’s a thought – I’ve seen as a therapist and a coach (and in my own life) that sometimes it’s our past, and messages and beliefs we learned through osmosis in our childhoods and families of origins that keep us locked into negative patterns we no longer want.

    Perhaps taking a deep look at what you learned about “true love” in your childhood might be helpful for you? Some beliefs from our past no longer serve us, and it’s time to let them go.

    Here’s to you being loved “truly and deeply” very soon.

  11. Love that word “completeness” Lisa, and that you can recognize clearly where you want more wholeness. I hope this helps you take some concrete steps this month/year to bring forward what you’re longing for. Thank you!

  12. Awareness. Today it was “rest” so I made time for a nap and then “connection” so I made time for friends. I wish I could translate the way I spend my downtime to my work life… Pausing, knowing what I need, and feeling empowered to choose makes all the difference.

  13. I long for having atleast one or two people in my life who wouod be very similar to me, have same likes and dislikes and love doing the same things, have the same idea for ‘fun’ time. I’m tired of trying to fit in a society full of people I cannot really connect with on a deeper level because they are so different in the kind of life they choose to live. More specifically I like being fit, eating healthy and doing fitness related activites or traveling is my idea of fun, whereas everyone else in my peer circle seems to enjoy drinking, eating heart clogging, belly bloating food and clubbing. That’s their idea of fun time. I’m also not good at making new friends.

  14. I’m with Scott, well said. Control is a big thing. I too feel at a loss with it. And I agree with the word ‘utility’. So sad but true.

  15. Engagement

    Today I find myself disengaged from my friends, my family, my spouse, my self, my work, my play, my values, my vision, my purpose, my mission, my service, my spirituality, my passion, my gratitude, my interests, my feelings, and so on. I seem to have lost touch with what matters to me most, and those relationshps and goals and skills and dreams–once I rediscover what they are and bring them back up to date–need tending to. I’ve gotten caught up in the daIly drudgeries of life, and I’ve lost sight of *living.* I’ve been sitting, watching my life pass by like an endless movie. It’seems bEngagement

    Today I find myself disengaged from my friends, my family, my spouse, my self, my work, my play, my values, my vision, my purpose, my mission, my service, my spirituality, my passion, my gratitude, my interests, my feelings, and so on. I seem to have lost touch with what matters to me most, and those relationshps and goals and skills and dreams–once I rediscover what they are and bring them back up to date–need tending to. I’ve gotten caught up in the daIly drudgeries of life, and I’ve lost sight of *living.* I’ve been sitting. watching my life pass by like a movie that will not end. It’s boring. It’s lonely. It’s unsatisfying.

  16. This is the one question that I’m not yet able to answer! It’s very true that defining who you are and what you long for is going to make you reach fullfillness in your life, because I can feel how much lost I am for not being able to know the answer. I always feel distracted, everything atrracts me and I long for everything. I want everything. I can’t seem to be focused on certain things but rather running after all because I can’t tell for sure what it is exactly that I’m missing.

  17. In answer to your question , my biggest desire in my life today is -belonging ( we’re do I belong)

  18. Hi Kathy and thank you for your reply! You are so right and your words are exactly what I needed.
    Childhood messages can be powerful and damaging if left to run amuck in one’s latent thinking and decision making. Thank you, thank you for reminding me and for caring about others. Your precise insight and guidance. changes the course of some individuals’ lives, including mine!
    With gratitude, Beverly

  19. Confidence – If I had more belief in myself, I would take more chances and stop questioning my abilities to be successful.

  20. Joy

    Joy is what I strive to create and experience both in work and personal life.

    However, when I dial down and reflect when I have experienced the joy I feel and believe I help create, the word VALUE comes to mind.

    I desire for my life to have VALUE to this world and others. I strive to have valuable relationships and be of value in helping others live a joyful life, which in return brings me great joy.

  21. My word would be companionship. I long to find “my tribe” or even just a deeper connection to the people I already know. It’s hard to be single in a world of happy couples, but it was harder to be part of an unhappy couple.

  22. Companionship – that’s beautiful, Darlene. And I love your insights – that it’s hard to be single, but harder to be in an unhappy relationship. Kudos to you for moving away from what wasn’t right for you.

  23. Thanks for digging deeper, Tina, and uncovering that it’s being of value that brings you joy! It’s that type of self-assessment that paves the way for what we really want. Thanks for sharing!

  24. Thanks, Sarah, for sharing. You know what I’ve found (after years of not having enough self-confidence)? That self-confidence comes from acting BOLDLY – believing in yourself and taking a leap, every day. That’s it. I discovered that the more I embrace the things that intimidated me, the more I saw and felt what I’m capable of. Perhaps you can take the plunge this month (today!) and start mustering more courage to act. I think you’ll find that you’ll begin to believe more in yourself and your amazing capabilities.

  25. How beautiful, Beverly. Thank you! and I’m so glad you found the messages helpful. All best to you.

  26. “Belonging.” How powerful. That’s what most of us on this planet long for, I think – to be part of a loving, respectful and nurturing “tribe” that uplifts us when we’re down, sees us for who we really are, and guides and supports us to be our best and highest selves. I hope you can find that this year, Trent. Thank you for your insights.

  27. Such a potent longing – “stability.” Thanks, Saksham. What makes you feel more stable? Can you generate more of that in your life this year?

  28. You’re not alone in that, Leen. So many of us today are chasing the next “bright shiny object” that crosses our path, and never stop to ask ourselves – “What do I really want in life and work?” As I mentioned in this blog, suddenly I woke last year to realizing that I was chasing a vision that wasn’t really, authentically mine! Once I realized it, I shifted and I’m so much happier. Your comments share how deeply you want to step back, get closer to yourself, and hear what your intuition and higher guidance tells you. The more we can do that, the happier and more fulfilled our lives become. Here’s something that might help – take my free Career Path Self-Assessment, and answer these deep questions as candidly and thoroughly as you can. In doing so, I’m confident that you’ll start getting the answers you’re looking for. All best!

  29. I appreciate your honest sharing, George. Again, as I’ve discussed in other comments above, you’re not alone in this. Life today is complicated, demanding and highly distracting, because there’s so much (thanks to technology, etc.) that can suck away our attention in a blink of an eye, and divert us from figuring out what we really want and who we are, deep down to our soul. That fact that you know this is what you’re suffering from is the first, biggest step! So what can you do this month to re-engage in the life you want – with yourself, your family your work and your values and purpose? You can do it! It takes effort, but what is the alternative?

  30. Hi Blessing – “Success” – yes! We all want a bit more of that, right? What does success look and feel like to you, specifically? How would you know you had more of it – what would be different? Once you know that, can you break it down into digestible bits and go create it?

  31. Thanks, Cathy, for sharing. I’ve found that more “control” is only possible when we do one thing – fiercely prioritize what we care about most, and go for that. Doing so requires that we say “no” to lots of other things that pull us away from our own control. It’s all about our boundaries, and protecting the things in life that are our non-negotiables. Start saying “no!”

  32. Thank you for sharing openly, Sarah. I hear how isolating it is for you right now. May I offer an idea? I’ve found that when I immerse myself in doing what I absolutely love (that involves other people), my community and tribe grows and grows. For instance, I’m a singer and performer, and 10 years ago I joined a small local group called the Wilton Singers, who sing and perform concerts locally. This group of 40 people have become amazing friends, supporters and a “family” whom I adore and respect, and who bolster me in tough times. Can you identify a few of your deepest passions, then go out and pursue them in ways that allow for being part of community? That takes care of two huge human needs – fostering our own creativity and passion, and developing a loving, supportive community to help us live and grow. I hope that helps.

  33. Hi Anirban – I appreciate your comments. Similar to Sarah, it sounds like you’re feeling isolated because you’re engaged in activities and in relationships with people who don’t resonate with you deeply. It sounds too like it’s time to make a big change. Anirban, I’d offer this: Go out today and begin to pursue the activities that you love. Don’t wait. Honor what you care about, and when you do, you’ll find people who resonate with you and your heartfelt passions and interests, values and endeavors. They’re right there – at your door. But you have to take the plunge and say “no” to what you no longer want. That’s the “test.” I promise you, when you start saying “YES!” to yourself and what you love, you’ll start forging a new pathway to new people who’ll be there to support and enliven you. Hope that’s helpful.

  34. Love that, Wendi – “stillness and simplicity.” I find everyone’s longings here so fascinating because for many, it’s literally just a decision that’s required to have what they desire. For instance, your longing is “I want more stillness.” From where I sit, that’s well within your grasp today, and perfectly attainable (if you shift to taking action and giving it to yourself). In fact, today, Wendi, what can you do, concretely and specifically, that will give you that stillness you long for? Can you go for a walk in the woods or in nature, or sit at the beach, and be with yourself for 30 minutes, quietly? Everyone on the planet can have more stillness today, because stillness is inside of all of us waiting to be cultivated It just has to be nurtured and honored. I hope you’ll go out and claim it! I’m going for my walk very soon – I need some stillness today as well! Thank you for sharing.

  35. I’m so sorry, Stella, to hear it. What powerful words – “I chafe against the bonds I’m held by.” Wonder if there’s any way you can loosen those bonds a bit so it’s not so painful? I work with women literally every single day who feel as you do – imprisoned by their work – but together we find ways for them to lighten their load, even without changing jobs. I’m thinking you might find my 16-week Amazing Career Project career transformation course just the ticket to help? The next session starts the end of April. Here’s more about that: Thanks for sharing.

  36. Authenticity. I have a happy family, good friends and a well paid career. Yet I wake up every day feeling as though something is missing. The job I do is a big part of my identity but it doesn’t really feel like ‘me’. It feels a bit fake, like wearing a work mask. I think I’ve forgotten who ‘me’ is. I would love to wake up in the morning and look forward to going to work because it is a part of my life that I enjoy and feels like something I should be doing. Not just something I do to earn money so I can enjoy my real life at weekends.

  37. The professional licensing board sets the bonds, not my employer or the job itself. There’s no recourse, not for awhile. Are there more details on the course (cost, syllabus, time commitment)? I didn’t find it on the link.

  38. Integrity… being honest to myself about what truly brings me joy….and contentment. (daughter and I agree)

  39. Passionate and fulfilled career that gives me a sense of fully living, not only surviving.

  40. Trust

    Trust my shoulder injury will heal
    Trust I am where I am meant to be
    Trust my future path
    Trust my intuition
    Trust my abilities – particularly decision making
    Trust that if I fall, I will get back up again
    Trust the safety net of people around me, even when I feel lonely
    Trust that if I do right by my health and happiness all will be well
    Trust that leaving teaching is the best decision for me….

    I am learning to trust so I can breathe, live life and create meaningful relationships

  41. That’s inspiring, Renee! It reads like a beautiful poem. Having and sustaining trust – in ourselves, in the goodness of the Universe, in others, and in the belief that all will work out for our highest good – is a powerful way to live. Thank you for sharing.

  42. Beautiful, Nicoleta! I hope and pray a passionate, fulfilling career will be yours in 2016 and beyond. So, are you making some headway on making that happen? Let me know if I can be of help to you. All best.

  43. Hi Daisey – Thank you for your comments. “Integrity” is so essential to a happy, fulfilled life. I’m happy to hear that you and your daughter are committing to being honest to and with yourselves, and pursuing authentic joy!

  44. Thanks for your note, Stella. The Amazing Career Project course costs $800 for 16 powerhouse weeks focused on career growth and transformation (with 16 videos, 16 group calls with me, 16 great homework assignments, and a fantastic online support group, etc.). The weekly curriculum is listed on the webpage, and the Spring course begins April 25th. Hope you’ll join us! Sign up on that page to be informed when enrollment opens!

  45. Order – order means that I am able to stay organized at home and feel good about the times I am at home. Order means I can be more mindful of what I eat and when I exercise. Order means when at work I can get my work done, without always feeling overwhelmed to respond to other people’s beck and call.

  46. My first thought was money….I always seem to be struggling.
    I’m sure I am in the same boat as a lot of people; I’m 46, divorced, no kids, live in an apartment, I have 16,000 in student loans and make very little money working full time. In order to move ahead need more education, more education means more loans and time. I don’t qualify for any financial aid because I don’t have kids and I’m just over the income threshold. I feel like I’m in a sand hole. Don’t mean to sound like a downer…..

  47. Thanks for your candid sharing, Tonya. When I read your comments, I really want to invite you to join my Amazing Career Project 16-week career transformation course in April! Why? Because I work every day with women who believe too that they’re in a sand hole and can’t figure out what else they could be doing to shift what’s happening. But I’ve learned (through my own life, and as a therapist, coach, energy worker, writer, researcher, etc.) there ARE powerful steps each of us can take, right now, that will turn things around for us. I hope you’ll join me in the Spring – I’d love to help! When we’re continually “struggling” with money, that means that there are rigid mindsets, patterns and beliefs that are in the way of our growth that we have to address before change can happen. (I’ve lived this and know it’s true.) Here’s a helpful post on that: 5 Powerful Ways To Change Your Wealth Programming and Create a New Vibration Around Money. Hope that’s useful to you.

  48. Permissibility. 20-ish years ago I was in a job that had no tolerance for mistakes and I made one. It cost me that career (the only one for which I was educated). I’ve had success in other career areas but am haunted by the lack of permission (from from myself) to make mistakes. Eventually, my resultant perfectionism wound me too tight to be functional in any job. Of course, the lack of permissibility started nearly 50 years ago. It just took me 30 to manifest its atomic bomb! I’m ready to quit running from the mess and start marrying up all of it (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!)!

  49. So sorry to hear that, Andrea. In my training as a therapist, I studied perfectionism (I call it “perfectionistic overfunctioning) and it can wreak total havoc on our health, functioning, success and happiness every day. May I make a suggestion? I’ve found that we humans don’t overcome this driving need to be perfect without outside help. It takes someone in your corner who can assist you in seeing things from a different perspective, and releasing the pain, trauma and fear of needing to be perfect. I’d highly recommend checking out the great organization – American Assn. of Marriage and Family Therapy ( – to find a therapeutic supporter who can assist you. I’ve been in therapy myself, which was life-changing, and having served as a marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen that everyone on this planet can benefit from a great therapist at one time or another in their lives. I hope that’s helpful to you, and send all best wishes.

  50. Love.

    I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it. -Audrey Hepburn

  51. Thank you Kathy , I so regularly find great things on your blog and allow your advice to others to shape and guide my life as well . This is really helpful for a young person to understand and I do appreciate your help.
    Cheers Trent J.

  52. I truly appreciate your kind words, Trent. I’m so happy to know that you find my messages helpful. Thank you!

  53. Kathy, Thank you for the thoughtful comments and resource for therapy. I have had therapy in the past and will give more therapy consideration, Over the past few years, I’ve learned a great deal about energetic healing techniques and am applying meditation, mindfulness, EFT, and yoga. I am experiencing significant progress! There’s still a long ways to go… I have an incredibly supportive spouse who has joined me on my healing journey and we are forging a beautiful life together (and having a significant impact on our older, adopted, trauma kids – the beings who, without intending to, exposed every wound both my husband and I have ever had!).

    The work of Carol Dweck kinds, sorta, entirely changed our lives!! We are in that painful transition place of realizing we were stuck in a fixed mindset and catapulting ourselves into a growth mindset. It can be yucky at times! But we aren’t scared off by these early stages of “marrying up” all that needs to come together to be healed.

    I only found you recently but your work has contributed to my tool box of healing resources. Thank you for what you do!

    PS. I am a podcast addict and was thrilled to find you there too!

  54. You said one word Kathy—. it took me few minutes to find one…

    And I understand why it is so.

    I have enormous potential in me.I am an avid learner.If I had focused in one career I would have reached great heights in that.I kept adjusting my life around everyone -husband, parents and later kids.Keeping kids out of the picture now.But first it took me great courage to work on my anger with my parents.And it took me 9 years of marriage to realize my husband was possessive and controlling.And next few years fighting it off, trying to break free at least mentally.Now I stand at 40.Now I am fighting off the idea of any number assigned to age in my head—and I am ready to start off—but from where…–confusion ,distractions, and dissipated energy is what i struggle with now.I am unable to focus on one thing and been chasing many things..I am still not clear of my purpose in life.I crave recognition professionally ,I long for pay cheques that I earn with labour.
    And I am never afraid to speak my mind.I have many things to be proud of, yet this restlessness weighs me down at times.And other days I will be bursting with motivation.
    I found you 2 months ago Kathy 🙂 You are always on my mind .I did my certification in life coaching last year.You inspire me as a role model.

  55. Thank you, Andrea! I truly admire your commitment to embracing change, healing and growth (because it’s not easy and we can fall “off the wagon” of self-expansion often.) But as you’ve touched on, committing to shifting ourselves to more life-affirming behaviors and mindsets is the difference between a fulfilling life well-lived vs. staying stuck in pain and failing to reach our highest potential. Kudos to you! And thanks for listening in to our podcast Best Work/Best Life. I’d love your feedback! Thanks so much for being a part of my community and all best wishes to you.

  56. Thanks so much for sharing, Susan, and your openness about what you feel has held you back from a more fulfilling and joyful life. You’re not alone – many millions of us have taken a path (or two!) that wasn’t in the end what we deeply longed for, but only realized it after the pain and disappointment set in. I’d love to help you gain clarity on what you want, because I’ve found that when we’re CLEAR about who we are, what we want and why we deserve it, and CONFIDENT and COURAGEOUS enough to go for it, life changes dramatically (and often very quickly). Do take my free Career Path Self-Assessment, then go back and read your answers again. You’ll see very important signs and clues as to the amazingness of you, and what to do with it! Thanks again.

  57. Passion – To understand and know myself and my gifts. What I bring to the table so I can create a new mission and strive with confidence and enthusiasm.

  58. A sense of pride.

    I long to find pride in my life. I often feel like I lack the ablity to finish what I have started. Which is stressful because I have 3 daughters that I influence everyday to do their best. But I can’t seem to do my very best to find what is missing. I know that I want to do something different in my life but find myself complacent and afraid to take a step out of my conform zone. So I stay put and this makes me feel, well sad that I’m not willing to make myself happy. Right now my life, job and reason for living are for my children. But there are so many things missing in my life. True happiness and pride. There are more but I will stick to the subject at hand. Thank you

  59. I am so there. And I don’t want to be. And now I’ve gained a ton of weight, nothing fits, am between jobs, in debt, need dental work (a lot) and I’m just sinking. Every day is a struggle, though every day I do struggle, I get a tiny bit better. Not sure if it’s enough, or fast enough.

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